


The End of the Affair

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-30
Updated: 2014-03-30
Packaged: 2018-01-17 14:17:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1390861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Wow, Erin Strauss is making something difficult.  Imagine my surprise.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	The End of the Affair

**Author's Note:**

> On Saturday mornings, and apparently late Saturday nights when I should be asleep, these characters get to talking in my head. They have the most interesting conversations. I feel so privileged just to be able to write them down.

** APRIL, 1997 **

“You're going back to him?” it was hard to keep his voice down but he knew he had to.

“You shouldn’t even be here.”

“I shouldn’t be here? I'm forced to come to these godforsaken parties.”

“You usually manage to find one excuse or another.” Erin said. “Some have been quite inspired.”

“Why are you going back to him?” Dave asked.

“I'm not going to talk about this with you.”

“And I'm not going to let you shut me out…again. I thought I meant something to you. I thought this was something. Or were those lies you whispered in my ear after I made you come?”

“You know it wasn’t like that.” Erin glanced back at him but then turned back to the rainy DC night.

“It wasn’t like that? That’s news to me, Erin. I thought it was like that.”

They were never a couple. Some people called it friends with benefits but Erin knew they weren’t even friends. They were good in bed. There was nothing wrong with that, and it had been a long time since Erin indulged in just enjoying sex. With Dave there was no pretense and no bullshit; he just broke her off. 

And he broke her off something fierce. She would never admit to him how much she was going to miss that. It wasn’t that her husband couldn’t be generous lover as well…he wasn’t a completely selfish man. But he was so busy and they’d grown so far apart. 

Erin was sure they would never get back to the place where sex was just passionate, primal. She was just as sure that David Rossi could never fulfill her in any other way like he could between the sheets. If life were perfect, Erin would find a man who could do most of both. Life was never perfect.

“Dave, I never told you I was leaving him.”

“You got your own apartment; you'd already left.”

“I was thinking things through.” Erin said. “We were separated but working through things.”

“So it’s back on? Just like that it’s back on.” He snapped his fingers.

“We were back on just like that. Why can't it be the same for Eli and me?”

“Because he's not…” Dave sighed.

“What?” now she turned to look at him. “Because he's not you? He never has been and that’s so much of the reason why I loved him.”

“You're talking about loving your husband in past tense. You don’t think there's something incredibly wrong with that?”

“You have no right to interfere in this. I made no promises; you made me none either. I'm not holding you to anything.”

“Maybe it’s time I did the holding for a change.”

Dave wasn’t going to just let her go. He'd done that before and it turned out to be a monumental mistake. Erin had a family, he didn’t want to break up a family, but he wanted her. He wanted her to be happy and knew that she wasn’t with her husband. 

This wasn’t the first time they had taken a break from each other. Her marriage hadn’t been easy from the word go. Sometimes he felt like it was his fault. He felt Erin married Eli on the rebound from another one of his fuck ups. 

But that was insulting to Erin. She was not the kind of person who would do something like that. She wouldn’t do it to herself or Eli. It would make her no better than Dave had been on too many occasions to count.

“It’s over.” She shook her head. “I don’t have a choice.”

“There's always a choice. Whatever you need, I can…”

“I'm pregnant, David.”

“What?”

“I'm pregnant. And before you freak out on me, you are not the father.”

“Are you sure?”

The way Erin looked at him would’ve struck fear into the heart of any man. Dave just swallowed. He was going in and whatever happened, happened.

“Are you sure, Erin?”

“I'm out of the first trimester. The baby is Eli’s.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to go back to him.”

“My child deserves a family…my daughters deserve a family.” Erin reasoned.

“I always wondered why people think that two miserable parents make for happy children.” Dave said.

“It’s always been easy for you to just walk away when shit gets rough. Fighting for something matters.”

“Fighting for what?” he asked.

“We’re not having this discussion. You don’t have the right to know my heart.”

“We’re right in the middle of this discussion, Erin.”

“Eli and I are getting back together. There's nothing else to talk about.”

“Does he know you're pregnant? Does he know you're coming back to him because you're pregnant?”

“He knows I'm pregnant.” She nodded. “Look, this is all for the best. I didn’t want to end my marriage David; I didn’t want to fail.”

“Do you love him?” Dave asked. “You know what, I don’t even give a damn. Do you not love me?”

“I've always cared about you…”

“That’s not what I asked. Don’t give me the patented speech; I want to know the truth.”

“The truth is that I don’t love you.” the words came out of her mouth in a whisper. Hearing them in her ear made Erin’s stomach ache. What a time to not be able to have a glass of something strong to wash them down with. “We never would’ve worked. It’s always so good in the beginning. I think they call that the honeymoon phase.”

“Yeah…we were always good at that.” Dave managed a smile thought it felt as if he were kicked in the balls. He wasn’t going to let that go. “I don’t want any hard feelings this go round. Unless they’re on my end, since I'm getting dumped and all.” He held up his hands. “Joke.”

“We’ll just close this chapter of the book. There are hopefully many more to come.”

“It’s funny that you would use that analogy.”

“What's so funny about it?” Erin asked.

“I just got a three book deal with a major publishing house. They want me to write about being one of the world’s greatest profilers.”

“Aren't you embellishing just a tad?” she raised her eyebrow.

“Those were their words, not mine.”

“I'm struggling to believe that, but OK. You can't write books and be paid for them while still in the Bureau. It’s a violation of policy.”

“I'm leaving the Bureau, Erin.”

“What?”

“I'm leaving the Bureau. Its time.”

“Time? What are you talking about? You have years left ahead of you. David…”

“We’ll make a deal. You don’t try to talk me out of this and I don’t try to talk you into staying with me.” He held out his hand. “Deal? We have to shake on it or it’s not a deal.”

“I won't.” Erin shook her head.

“Wow, Erin Strauss is making something difficult. Imagine my surprise.”

“You're making a mistake.”

“I could tell you the same thing.”

“To even compare…don’t do this.”

“It’s as done a deal as yours.” He said. “I'm gone by the end of the year.” 

“You selfish bastard. And you wanted me to love you, be with you? For what, David? You're just going to leave like you always do. The song remains the same.”

“That’s the Erin I know and love.” Rossi put on another smile. “I guess it won't be so hard on either of us since I'm not around.”

“When has distance ever helped?”

The question was rhetorical and Erin hoped Dave kept it that way. She knew he’d been approached many times over the years to write a book or lecture at universities but he'd declined. Dave was into action not talking about it, at least not too much. He taught at the Academy, and loved his close up on national news when it came to that, but he was an FBI agent first and foremost. 

It was true, he was one of the leading experts on behavioral analysis. It was also true that he probably had a few good books in him. But he wasn’t a beat down athlete in his twilight days. Retirement was not the answer to whatever the question was. There had to be something else but after her announcement Erin was sure she would never know anything about it.

“I just want you to be happy.” Dave put his hand back at his side. She wasn’t going to shake it.

“I am.” Erin lied. She was upset because he knew she was lying. He always knew. It was true that she wasn’t the happiest she’d ever been in this moment but there was time to make things right. “I wish I could…”

“Erin?” Kirk Douglas walked onto the veranda of the Jefferson Hotel. 

The FBI Executive Assistant Director of the CCRSB stopped as soon as he saw the two of them together. Kirk hadn’t asked her if Dave had anything to do with the separation from her husband. It was none of his business. Erin had always been a stickler for the rules, including the fraternization policy. The man standing in front of her was the only one who could get her to break them. 

Sometimes, as much as he liked and respected Dave, Kirk didn’t know if he should hug him or punch him for that. His kid had potential; she was on the elevator all the way to the top floor. It was where she wanted to be and what she worked hard for. Kirk wasn’t going to let anyone trip her up. He was willing to lose friends over it. Erin was different…Erin was family.

“I’ll be right in.” she said.

“I’ll wait.” He put his hands behind his back, at ease position. “They're waiting for you.”

“Kirk,” Dave looked back at his old friend. For one of the first times in as long as he knew him, he couldn’t read Kirk’s eyes. That was probably good. That probably wasn’t good. “Could you give us a minute?”

“I can't; not this time Dave. One doesn’t keep the Deputy Director of the FBI waiting. He wants to personally congratulate the new Unit Chief of Counterterrorism.”

“I have to go.” She walked past Dave, did her best not to touch him, and slipped her arm into Kirk’s.

“We’ll chat later.” He said.

“If I have time.” Erin nodded. “Please enjoy the party.”

“Yeah, the cocktail weenies have been excellent.”

Without looking back, Erin and Kirk walked into the hotel. She was leaning on him a bit but Erin was hoping that he wouldn’t notice. That was ridiculous since Kirk Douglas noticed everything.

“I leave you alone for five minutes…” he said.

“I just needed some air. I'm sure all that second hand smoke isn’t good for the baby.”

“I don’t know much about babies but is it possible for you not to show for at least another ninety days? I don’t want the Deputy Director thinking he made a mistake.”

Erin looked at him with a deadpan face. If he wasn’t like a father to her, and mostly joking, she would’ve smacked him into next week. No, the powers that be probably wouldn’t like that she was pregnant. The powers that be didn’t like a lot of things. Erin planned to carry on as she always did. Everything and nothing had changed. It was still changing by the second.

“He's leaving the Bureau.” Erin said.

“I know. But before you turn on me, I just found out a couple of weeks ago. He was still trying to make a decision.”

“David Rossi is going from being the preeminent word on behavioral analysis to the _Entertainment Tonight_ word on behavioral analysis.”

“I have little doubt he’ll handle it with his typical aplomb.” Kirk said. “It’s time, kiddo.”

“If you call me kiddo in front of the Deputy Director of the FBI I will disown you.” Erin said.

“Give me some credit. I said it out here so I could get it out of my system.”

“I appreciate that.”

“Is your face on?” Kirk asked. “Are your shoulders square?”

“Yes, my stomach is also churning and I have to piss like a sailor on shore leave.”

“Here’s to hoping this is a short conversation. Have a kiss for luck.” Kirk kissed her cheek. Then they walked down the short hallway and back into the ballroom. 

Erin turned it on. She turned on the charm and the interest and the engaging way she laughed when she really didn’t care at all but didn’t want anyone to know. It was a façade but tonight it was being done with the best of intentions. A handshake and congratulations from the Deputy Director was a big deal. 

She’d worked so hard to get to this day, didn’t plan on letting anything ruin it. More storms were coming, of that she was sure. There was one brewing overhead right now. Erin would deal with it later…the time always came when she had to deal with it. Tonight, even if her heart wasn’t all the way in it, she planned to enjoy some personal victory.

***


End file.
